Barely Breathing...

Broken: reduced to fragments; fragmented. Ruptured; torn; fractured.

Today while I was sitting in my car at a McDonald's drive thru in Mt. Vernon, Ohio the song "Breakeven" by The Script began to play on WNCI 97.9. The fact that I was listening to WNCI was a surprise to me. I very rarely listen to music played by a local radio station in my car. Most of the time I listen to some form of talk radio or music on XM radio, and when I do listen to music it is often Jazz or something on my itouch. And though listening to a FM station was a surprise it wasn't the biggest surprise.

What totally caught me off guard was how the lyrics affected me. I've heard the song many times but today it took me back to a much different time, a very difficult time. I can still remember the first time I heard the song and how I felt that the words in the song were the most accurate description of how one feels when they find themselves with a broken heart. 

And though this relationship ended many years before I heard the song, the first time I heard the song the reminder of the pain that break-up caused was so strong I felt like I couldn't even swallow. 

The words were so perfect, they were so true.

It reminded me of a time when my heart was completely broken. It was a time when nothing seemed familiar or inviting, a time when I thought the pain would never leave me. It was a time when the thought of being in large crowds was enough to cause me to lose my appetite. I was lost and no one could help me or give any directions because I didn't even know what I wanted or where I wanted to go.

I felt helpless.

Today when I heard the song I was reminded of the pain. I didn't focus on the person but the pain. The very thought of the pain scared me. I was relieved that I wasn't in that place now. I was relieved that time does heal all things and that you can find a true love in another person, and that a relationship can provide so much peace and contentment.

Many years have passed and the feelings for that relationship have died like flowers that don't receive enough water. There are no hard feelings but hearing the song reminded me of how painful a break-up can be. The word that comes to my wife's mind is devastation. "You only need to experience it one time to know what I'm talking about", she exclaimed.

She is right.

Today I'm in a very secure and loving relationship. I feel blessed and satisfied but as I listened to the song I was reminded of the fact that most relationships that do not have the proper foundation are controlled by the one who cares the least. Most relationships are like a war with both sides secretly wanting to keep as much of their heart as they can once they realize the relationship is coming to an end.

The reason being is that most people realize that when a couple breaks up the pain isn't shared equally and the hearts don't always breakeven.

Breakeven 

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no

What am I suppose to do
When the best part of me was always you and
What am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no

What am I gonna do
When the best part of me was always you
And what am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One's still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh
'Cause you left me with no love and no love to my name

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break
No it don't break, no it don't breakeven, no

What am I gonna do
When the best part of me was always you
And what am I supposed to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One's still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven)

Oh, it don't breakeven, no
Oh, it don't breakeven, no
Oh, it don't breakeven, no

sbb 21.9.10 

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Breakeven  .  The Script  

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