This evening I found an entry into a journal that I was keeping in 1997. The entry was entitled "My First Son", the date was December 11, 1997 and it would be the last Christmas my second wife and I would ever share together again. It would also be the last time that I would spend Christmas Day with my son, Bryce. Bryce was two and Logan, my oldest son, was seven at the time.
It was the most difficult time of my life.
Reading Logan's reply to a question I posed those many years ago still touches me deeply today.
My First Son
12.11.1997 - 12:30am
On Saturday Logan and I spent the day together by ourselves. Austin decided at the last minute he didn't want to come because he was tired. The time was actually needed for Logan and me to spend some quality time together. Logan is emotionally intense and because of this it's important that I check in with him more often than maybe Austin. We went to my mom and dad's house for the day. Aunt Meredith also came by to see Logan.
That night Debi, Bryce, Logan and I went searching for a Christmas tree. It was cold and wet, but when all was said and done (trust me... there was more done than said...Debi and I really don't talk that much) we found an eight foot tree. The tree was perfect fit for the house. Debi did a wonderful job decorating the tree in gold trim. This was a special time, a very important time, because it was Bryce's first time Christmas tree shopping. Logan was so protective over Bryce and showed strong signs of pride over being Bryce's big brother.
It is important to me for these boys, my boys, to have a strong bond with each other... even if they don't live under the same roof.
Sunday, on our way back to Springfield, I ask Logan if he could have one wish, one gift, what would he want; he replied that he wished his mom and dad lived together. I couldn't even respond... I'm sorry Logan.
-sbb * 1:48am
"To change your language you must change your life"
-Derek Walcott
Bryce, Logan & Reese
Christmas Eve 2010
sbb 24.12.10
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