Bucket List...

Dreams: an aspiration; goal; aim: A trip to Europe is his dream. 


As my children will tell you I'm a big fan of having goals and writing those goals down. They will tell you that they will never happen if you don't write them down. We all have dreams but most of the time our dreams become fantasies because we don't write them down. When we write down our dreams in the form of goals they become our vision for our future.

Get the theme here...write them down. Write your goals down.

Companies, Institutions of higher learning and athletic teams all write down their goals and create mission statements for what they want to accomplish. We as adults and families should be no different. 

Habakkuk 2:2-3 (it's in the Old Testament after Nahum, before Zephaniah and on page 519 in my bible) states; "... write my answer in large, clear letters on a tablet, so that a runner can read it and tell everyone else. But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed."  

Dream big. Write them down. And with time they will come true. Be diligent and patient... you will not be disappointed.

Below is the email that I wrote to the programming director at Denison University for their campus radio station "91.1 - The Doobie". As you will see, and read, Denison can "help" me accomplish a goal, a dream if you will, that has long been on my personal "Bucket List". It was a dream that I made a goal when I put pen to pad.

Marty,

My name is Shawn Bailey and I had the great pleasure of meeting Harry Brisson (2011 Denison University Class President...I didn't put this part in the letter...duh) last Thursday during the opening ceremonies for the class of 2014 at Denison University. The reason for our chance meeting was in part due to my speaking with someone in Student Affairs concerning my desire to fulfill a dream, goal or "a" crazy notion of wanting to play music on the radio airwaves. I love music and if you have seen the movie "Bucket List" with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman you will find it easy to understand why it is important to have dreams/goals. Reason being, they often sustain us. Also, it is equally important to note the critical task one must accomplish in writing their "dreams" down in the form of goals for them to take shape and become a vision. Dreams that are not written down will just become fantasies. My "Bucket List" (dreams/goals) is far reaching, idiosyncratic in nature and personal. Some of my "dreams" are large and some are very small, but all of them are important to me. I might add that the goals I entertain that cost nothing and have no monetary value like starting a blog (writing a book someday... fingers are crossed). writing down weekly household/family victories, no matter how small, on a "chalk board" in our house for all to see and playing music on "The Doobie" are the most priceless in nature.

Finally, I want to thank you in advance for reading my email and hopefully contacting me concerning an opportunity to meet and to discuss. One "two hour" time slot in the middle of the week would be great. Also, if you would like to find more out about I feel free to check out my blog at www.mybabyr0c.blogspot.com. I would also like to add, being at Denison last week was a wonderful moment for our entire family. When I went off to Wittenberg University in the fall of 1983 (Graduated in 1987) I had no idea how proud my parents felt... last week I found out just how proud they were. Most fathers have dreams of health, success and prosperity for their children... if Austin's (Stephen Austin Bailey) next four years are anything like the "opening ceremony" he is in for the ride of his life and an experience that he will carry with him for the rest of his days on this earth. At the end of the day, I do believe Denison will aid him in becoming healthy, successful and prosperous. Thanks again for your time and I look forward to speaking with you in the near future. 

Shawn

...After I read the email to my wife she asks me if I was trying to get into Denison or if I just wanted to play some songs on the radio for a couple of hours?  "You're a little much" , she said. Funny...she has a point. But that's why you married me babe... that's why you married me!

sbb  30.8.2010   (Dream weaver . Gary Wright) . 809

Baptism...

Baptism: Ecclesiastical. A ceremonial immersion in water, or application of water, as an initiatory rite or sacrament of the Christian church.

Below are the words that my son, Bryce, wrote and spoke today before he was baptized:

 Pastor Drew, Bryce & Pastor Ken

My name is Bryce Bailey and I have accepted Jesus Christ into my heart. I know my sins are forgiven AND I want to have a closer relationship with Jesus Christ. I know He has a plan for my life and I want to live that plan He has for me every day of my life and to always be in the center of His will.  

 Mom, Bryce & Dad

Today my son's life has been changed forever!

Bryce & Austin

Everyone plays a role...Our Family (2010) 

Romans 6:3-4 states: "Or have we forgotten that when we became Christians and were baptized to become one with Christ Jesus, we died with Him? For we died and were buried with Christ by baptism. And just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious power of the Father, now we also may live new lives."

...And everyone said, Amen.

sbb 29.8.10    (Baptism  .  Lenny Kravitz)  .  199

 

Lucky Man...

Lucky: having or marked by good luck; fortunate: That was my lucky day.


Thursday was a big day in the Bailey household. Thursday marked the first day of school for Ryan. He was officially accepted at Tyler Run Elementary in the "early" education program that we so fondly refer to as kindergarten. Mrs. Cervi was happy to take him on as a student and I was equally, if not more, happier to give him to her for the school year. 

Good luck to both of you. One of you is going to need it more than the other...I will pray for you Mrs. Cervi.

Ryan's 1st day of school (Class of 2022)

August 26, 2010 also marked the day that my 18 year old son, Austin, began his college experience at Denison University. His mother and I couldn't have been prouder or happier to see our son start a new chapter of his life at such a grand institution and a beautiful community. 

To say Granville is wonderful is an understatement.

Austin & Dad (Denison University)

 Denison University...Class of 2014

And if Thursday wasn't enough, my 14 year old, Bryce, played in his first Varsity football game...as a freshman on Friday night. He was a starter on the kick off team and played safety and running back in the 3rd and 4th quarters. I couldn't be happier for Bryce...I'm very proud of him.

He has a very bright future. He scored "3" touchdowns in the JV game this morning....I know, I know...  I'm being "that" Dad.

 #22 -  Bryce "Champ" Bailey

(Class of 2014)

But the most important thing that occurred over the past couple of weeks was the fact that Bryce accepted Jesus Christ into his life on the morning of August 16th...on our way to his football practice no less. Bryce told me in the car that this was a decision that he had been thinking about for a month and that he also wanted to get baptized. 

That takes place tomorrow... Sunday, August 29, 2010 at 2:30 pm.

He said that he wants to have a closer/personal relationship with God. Wow...I was blown away.

So with all of this and our nine month old baby girl... not to mention the new house and new job... it feels sort of over whelming. 

All of these experiences didn't cost a thing (well, except Denison & the house...lol). Call it "Lucky"... call it Karma... or call it what we call it around here... "Blessed". Whatever you decide to call it, I'm one "Lucky Blessed Man"...

Philippians 4: 11-14 reads; "Not that I was ever in need,  for I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little."

That secret that Paul was writing about is called "contentment". I have had much and in the not so distant past I had almost nothing. It is a fact that I'm not wealthy. I actually have very little money, but I'm a very rich man. I'm rich in spirit & faith... I'm rich in family & friends... I'm rich in employment & purpose. And because of "all" of this...the good and bad... and most importantly because of my deep faith in Christ, I realize I have everything.

I'm satisfied and contented... I'm truly a "blessed" man.


sbb  28.8.10   (Lucky Man  .  The Verve)  .  581

A Father's Letter

 Reflection: the act of reflecting or the state of being reflected. Reflect: to think, ponder, or meditate: to reflect on one's virtues and faults.

On July 26, 2005 I was sitting in Dallas, Texas at the DFW Airport Marriott for KV Pharmaceutical's a national meeting. It was a very confusing time. Ryan was born 4 and half months previous and Addison was to arrive in November, November 8th to be exact. As I sat there uninterested in the meeting and reflecting about my future I could only think where I was 15 years ago that day. It was my oldest son's birthday that day, and with four boys and one on the way (and not married to any of their mothers), I really questioned if I was making a difference. 

What kind of example was I setting? My conclusion was that I was setting a very poor one.

Below is the letter that I wrote him...during that meeting in July...a meeting that I was supposed to be paying attention and taking notes.

Dear Logan,                            

"15"

"July 26, 1990"

It seems like yesterday that your mom and I were driving down US1 in our blue Toyota Camry in West Palm Beach, Florida. We were driving to St. Mary's Hospital as your mom was starting to have labor pains. Initially we went to Dr. Lopez's office to get advice concerning your mom's condition. They told us that she was fine and that we should consider going to the mall to walk around for awhile to accelerate your arrival.

They were wrong.

                                      "Day 2 and I'm tired already"

If we would have gone to the mall you would've been born in Macy's...the Ralph Lauren/Polo section no doubt.

It was a good time for your mother and me. We were young, and full of promise and hope. We were making good money and we were blessed with a spirit of gratitude. We were grateful for everything God and our parents did for us. 

Our parents gave us everything we needed. They gave us love, support and at times money. They were really good to us.

As I mentioned, your mother and I had it good. It was a great time for us.

In looking back I realize I was gone too much. My love was basketball and I played all the time. I also hung out with my friends all the time leaving your mother by herself too much. 

It was selfish and it was wrong.

That being said, you were born 35 -45 minutes after we got to the hospital. Even in the beginning you gave us very little trouble. Your mom was incredibly strong and poised. I on the other hand was a mess. Every emotion one could feel I felt, with inferiority being the strongest feeling I entertained. 

Can I be a good father? Will I be able to always provide for my family? Will I be enough? To this day I have those same thoughts and feelings.

"Springtime"
 

I also ask myself the question, "is my oldest son enjoying his life?" I hope and pray you are. This is a time that is supposed to be joyful. Your childhood is a time when responsibilities are few and that positive experiences should be many.

1st birthday... July 26, 1991 (Jupiter, Fla)

You are in the "springtime" of your life (newborn - 21 yrs.).  And even though tomorrow is never promised, this season of your life should be full of joy, warmth and comfort. Many times I reflect upon your childhood and wonder if, and worry, that I ruined your childhood with the divorce that I caused.

I hope and pray that I didn't.

Divorce is tough because it separates parents from their children. Nobody fully recovers or feels comfortable with that dynamic. Your mom and I love you dearly... we miss you when you're gone. I miss you when you're gone.

I think about you every day.

"Pride"

Each day often brings thoughts of pride. It was once said by William Shakespeare; "Tis a happy thing to be a father unto many sons." I do have a lot of sons and it is great.

Logan turns 16 (July 26, 2006)

Logan I'm proud of you.

I'm proud of the person you are and I'm proud of the person you are becoming. Robert Frost in his poem "The Road Not Taken" spells out for all to see the importance of being true to yourself and to travel down the path that best suits you, no matter how infrequently your peers travel down this road.

Their path doesn't necessarily have to be your path, and visa-verse.

The road of excess is a dangerous road to explore. Many of your peers will find this out the hard way.

Do what is right, not what is popular. What is popular isn't always right.

Frost wrote that; "I shall be telling this with a sigh somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I... I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." Travel down the right, not the popular road. Let your actions and behavior display your leadership qualities.

Be a leader, not a follower.

Senior year...2009

I call you "Chief" because Chief Logan was a great Native American leader. I FEEL IT'S YOUR DESTINY TO BE A GREAT LEADER SOMEDAY...I really do. Many of your peers are involved in alcohol, drugs and sex. The joy of sex will come later in your life...please, much later (that was a poor attempt at some fatherly humor).

Anyway, remember that physical intimacy is a gift. That gift also comes with a tremendous responsibility. If you don't believe me just look at my life...enough said.

Drugs...NEVER. Drugs are for losers. This is a non-negotiable truth. Choose drugs, choose to be a loser.

Alcohol will be your choice as you become an adult. Be careful... very careful. Alcohol can and does ruin lives. When you're older the choice will be yours to hang out with friends and have a few beers, but you have to decide now that you're going to be responsible.

NEVER DRIVE WHILE DRINKING and NEVER GET INTO THE CAR OF SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN DRINKING....NEVER!

I like to have a beer from time to time, but in no way does alcohol rule my life. Moderation, moderation, moderation... everything in moderation. Just be careful with drinking. When, and if, that day comes (if you don't drink that's not a bad thing...that is a great thing) just be careful. Respect the power of alcohol and it's extremely negative consequences. It can ruin your life. (As I was rewriting this in 2010, five years later, I would advise you not to drink and to stay out of bars. Both will limit and weaken your witness and testimony as a Christian)

High School graduation party (2009)

"Thank you"

Thank you... thanks for being such a wonderful son and a great student. I love who you are. You are a good person. Continue to spend your time being positive with people... not negative. It is too easy to give yourself over to having a critical and complaining spirit. Choose to see the good in everyone and in every situation.

Attitude truly determines outcome.

Your attitude has been really good most of the time. Your goal should be to have a great attitude all the time, but I can assure you that will be one of the toughest things to accomplish in your life. Always remember, you can only control your attitude, not others. Romans 12:18 states; "Do your part to live at peace with everyone, as much as possible."

It's your choice.

People are going to hurt, disappoint and discourage you...GET OVER IT.

Some people are not going to like you...GET OVER THAT TOO.

So far as it concerns you... be at peace with everyone.

I would also like to thank you so much for loving and treating Bryce and Ryan so well. I would also like to ask you to do the same with Austin, Mary and Tate. It's vitally important to me and your mother that you treat all your brothers and sisters well. Thanks also for treating my parents (your grandparents) and my sister (your aunt) with the respect and with the honor they deserve.

They have earned it and truly deserve it. They are good people and are your biggest fans. Don't ever forget that.

I'm also thankful, very thankful, that you are a good student and a leader within your school. Your choice to be successful in school is obvious to everyone. Don't ever lose your motivation to do well in school.

Knowledge is power. Read. Read. Read. Write. Write. Write. 

Reading will aid you in becoming more intelligent, and writing will help you convey your thoughts and knowledge in a convincing manner.

Logan turns 20! (July 26, 2010)

"Socrates"

Socrates once said; "that life without self examination is a life worth not living." Praying to God and reading the bible daily will help you with your self examination... it's important to be introspective (look the word up if you don't know what it means). Enjoy your birthday today... you deserve it, but take stock of where you are in the early stages of your life, and more importantly, where you want to be later in life. 

I hope your birthday was a great one and always remember that I love you...I really do love you. 

I will always love you. 

Happy birthday!

Love, 
Dad

sbb  27.7.2010  (You've Got A Friend . James Taylor) . 1598

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A Man's Anger...

Anger: a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.


It has been said that "anger is one letter short of danger" and we have all seen what it looks like when someone has given themselves over to anger. It's ugly and at times it can be outright dangerous. And though many people feel justified in their anger, there seldom is a good reason to be angry.

Proverbs 29:11 states; "A fool gives full vent to anger, but a wise person quietly holds back." Though I agree with the verse, I think we can all agree that it is easier said than done. 

As I started thinking about anger today, and specifically about a man's anger, I jotted down a few thoughts on the subject, and what causes it to manifest in a man's life:

Challenging our Manhood 
 

Men often, and incorrectly, view themselves positively or negatively based on what they do for a living. Careers and jobs are important to us because we often build our power, prestige and position through them. Men undoubtedly are at their best when they are engaged in serious work, the downfall occurs when we derive our identity and self-worth from this work. When someone ridicules, belittles or dismisses what we do for a living, we start to feel threatened...we start to feel weak.

When this happens the true feelings we experience is anxiety, which we often display in the form of anger. When you get down to it, we are often more hurt than we are mad.

Any time a man is challenged in the areas of employment, family and his abilities to protect and provide for them he will often become defensive. What we hear is that we "can't get it done" and we "can't take care" of you and our loved ones. And the reason we become defensive is that our job, family and our ability to care for them is who we are.

Questioning our Value
 

Many times men see their value through the eyes of their spouses or mates. Sometimes this is good, sometimes this is not so good. Most of the time, if were honest, the review and assessment we receive from our spouse is pretty close to being dead on. However, women still have a responsibility in how they handle the shortcomings that their husband presents. There are times when women can be overly critical of their spouse and the results can be devastating. Proverbs 21:9 states "It is to better live alone in the corner of an attic than with a contentious wife in a lovely home." Proverbs 21:19 says, "It is better to live alone in the desert than with a crabby, complaining wife."

The worst thing a man can experience is for his wife to constantly criticize and devalue him as a husband, father and provider. It's equally important that we as men do our best to eliminate that from taking place to begin with. If you want to be treated like a man, then act like a man; do what is right. 

In the end, we don't need that many people to value us, but silently we desire our employer, children and most importantly our spouse to see value is us as men. We must earn it, but we must see it in your eyes, and hear it in your voices, because in the areas of being a spouse, parent and earner are not only who we are, it is also what we do.

 

When our Behavior is Criticized 

It's pretty simple. We're human and we're men. We're going to screw up...often. It's inevitable.

All one has to do is go to a NFL football game on any given Sunday ANY WHERE IN THE COUNTRY and watch how poor some men can behave. It's embarrassing. We, me included, are the last ones to grow up and the last ones to realize we need to grow up. Most of the time we act like boys - but want to be treated like men.

That's a problem. Just ask any women.

However, there are times that men can be simply criticized for things they enjoy doing. I do believe that with every hobby comes a responsibility. If you are blessed to have a family one must take stock of their time away from your family and how your decisions affect the finances. I can't play 36 holes of golf every Saturday and Sunday, and drop $500 in the pro shop with each outing. That ain't goin' to fly. I also need to play 18 holes and not "19 holes" if you know what I mean. Many marriages have been ruined by what happens after the golf is completed, not while it was going on.

The thing to remember is that man's behavior's is idiosyncratic and personal to him. At some point we all make internal agreements with ourselves stating what we like to do. It can be anything from motorcycle riding to reading, golf to gardening. Whatever it is, we as men like to do what we do and at the end of the day, it holds tremendous value to us...and it's often difficult for us to listen to how wrong we are for doing it.

Dr. Phil says that everything we do as human beings are done because there is a perceived or real benefit...there is a payoff. That payoff can be physical, emotional, financial or mental. Whatever the activity, the reason we do it is because it is what we value.

So there it is; when our identity, value and behavior are challenged we then become challenged in our ability to control our emotions. But if we as men are honest, most of the time our anger finds its genesis in our immaturity, and our inability to recognize that at the heart of the matter is our insecurity, ego and our desire to control every situation we find ourselves in. 

Anger is about FEAR and CONTROL.

When someone says something false (or true), nasty or unkind about us we are often mad not about what was said but about our inability to keep the other party from saying it. Our lack of control and our deeper fear that there might be truth to what was said has a bigger affect on us emotionally and mentally more than we give it credit for.

Displaying our anger during these times is often an insufficient attempt to sooth our ego, insecurities and our pride. Two things that cause the most stress for a man is his family and finances (his job/career is intimately tied to his finances), and in those times when they are threatened or challenged they will cause us to experience anger - but many times our anger has nothing to do with them.

The offense is usually embarrassingly minor and our reaction is even more embarrassingly major. And we call women "Drama Queens"?

Proverbs 14:29, 15:1, 15:8, and Proverbs 29:22 all speak to the dangers of anger, but it is Proverbs19:11 that really brings it home to me..."People with good sense restrain their anger; they earn esteem by overlooking wrongs."  My point is not to encourage others to eliminate anger from their lives; it's actually quite the opposite. Ephesians 4:26 states; "And don't sin by letting your anger gain control over you. Don't let the sun go down on your anger." We will become angry, but as we relinquish our need to control every situation and the words of others, when we reduce or eliminate our ego and identify our areas of insecurity we are more able to live peacefully with others, and at the same time we lessen our potential to become so easily offended. 

In another words, you can't look past another person's wrongs until you make peace with your own wrongs. I don't know if that is grammatically correct, but I hope you understand what I'm saying.

Finally, we as human beings all have access to three basic emotions; they are love, fear and anger. 

Love draws us intimately close to another.

Fear prepares us to take "flight" from the perceived threat.

Anger moves us toward another with marked intensity.

Anger is a separating emotion. Anger separates us from our family, friends and ultimately God. 

Unfortunately, it took me most of my adult life to realize these revelations and to realize that my life could be exponentially better if only I would take a deeper look at myself and look less intently at others.

I have realized that my purpose is to glorify Him in all that I do and by doing so I would become a better husband, father and friend.

When I put who I am and what I do in His hands I instantly become of more value to all those around me, and to those who depend upon me.  

Psalms 91:1 states; "Those who live in the in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty." 

Living in His shelter has freed me from fear, insecurity, ego and pride, and ultimately anger. When you find rest and peace it's hard to be angry. You find that nothing is really that important.

Except Him..and your family of course.

sbb  21.7.10  (Because of Who You Are . Martha Munizzi) .  1562

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