"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad." -Proverbs 12:25

"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad." -Proverbs 12:25
Midnight Blue (1963): Jazz guitarist Kenny Burrell featuring Stanley Turrentine on tenor saxophone, Major Holley on double bass, Bill English on drums and Ray Barretto on conga. Midnight Blue is one of Burrell’s best-known works for Blue Note Records. In 2005, NPR included the album in its "Basic Jazz Library", describing it as "one of the great jazzy blues records".

He said, She said...

"You are not designed for everyone to like you - Wise Man Phil

FRAGILE: Sting, Yo Yo Ma, Dominic Miller & Chris Botti

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Swing Batter Batter Swing...

Scandal: A disgraceful or discreditable action, circumstance, etc. An offense caused by a fault or misdeed or damage to reputation; public disgrace.

As October unofficially announces that fall is here and that football is to take its rightful place atop the mountain we call sports, and as the summer fades for yet another year I can hear Lee Corso faintly proclaim: "Not so fast my friend". October might cause leaves to fall to the ground and for images of first downs to dance in our heads but it also signifies the beginning of the second season for the "boys of summer".

The "Fall Classic", as the World Series is referred to, has granted me with nothing short of wonderful memories and incredible highlights. Whether it is Kirk Gibson hitting a walk off home run on one leg to win game 1 of the 1988 World Series, watching Willie Stargell and the Pirates dance to "We Are Family" as they captured the title in 1979 or Derek Jeter fist pumping the New York Yankees to another World Championship the pleasure that is experienced while watching is wonderful.
Since 1903 our country has watched as baseball crowned it's champion on the grand stage that is known as the World Series. And though baseball is about as American as "apple pie" it is not without its scandal. Baseball has seen the issue of steroids dominate the press for longer than they would like and it has dealt with more than a few people that see no wrong in placing a not so friendly wager on the outcome of a contest. Many are reminded of Pete Rose and his gambling issues but the first gambling scandal of epic proportions was in 1919 and involved the Chicago White Sox.

The 1998 the film "Eight Men Out" became the first dramatization to depict 1919 "Black Sox" scandal where eight ball players conspired with gamblers to lose the Word Series.  

Below is an account of the 1919 scandal from the website


On September 24, 1919 the Chicago White Sox clinched the American League pennant, sending them to the World Series. Their opponent would be the Cincinnati Reds. Just before the start of the Series, the odds were 5 – 1 in favor of the Chicago White Sox. But as rumors spread of a World Series fix, the odds shifted to 8 – 5 in favor of the Cincinnati Reds. The following is a brief game-by-game account of the 1919 World Series. It began on 

Wednesday, October 1, 1919.
Game 1 – A crowd of 30,511 had gathered to watch the 9 – 1 win by the Reds over the White Sox. The significant play in game one happened at the bottom of the first inning when pitcher Ed Cicotte of the Sox hit leadoff batter Morrie Rath signaling to gamblers that the fix was on.

Game 2 – With 29, 698 in attendance, the Reds once again defeated the White Sox to take a 2 – 0 lead in the Series. Pitcher Lefty Williams walked six batters in nine innings prompting catcher Ray Schalk to confront the pitcher in the locker room after the game. Schalk complained that the starting pitchers were crossing him up.

Game 3 – The first home game of the Series saw 29,126 in attendance. Down by two games, the White Sox were able to take game three by a 3 – 0 score.

Game 4 – Ed Cicotte started game four in front of a crowd of 34,363 in Chicago. After two major fielding errors by the starting pitcher, the Sox lost to the Red 2 – 0 and Cicotte experienced his second loss of the Series.

Game 5 – After a rain postponement, game five drew the largest attendance of the Series with 34,379. Scoreless after five innings, the Reds put four runs on the board in the sixth inning and took the game by a 5 – 0 score. Cincinnati was now up 4 games to 1 over Chicago.

Game 6 – With the Reds up by a commanding lead and the Series returning to Cincinnati, 32, 006 fans came out to cheer on the home team. This could be the game where the Reds would take the Series. After four innings, Cincinnati was up 4 – 0 but Chicago quickly answered and had tied the game after nine innings. In the 10th inning, Buck Weaver crossed the plate to make in 5 – 4 for the Sox. The Reds were now up 4 – 2 in the Series.

Game 7 – Again in Cincinnati, the White Sox defeated the Reds 4 – 1 in front of only 13,924 fans. As the Series headed back to Chicago for game eight, the Reds were still up in the Series but the White Sox had cut the lead to only one game.

Game 8 – October 9, 1919 was the final game of the Series as the Reds defeated the White Sox 10 – 5. In front of a crowd of 32,930 Cincinnati won their first World Series Championship. For winning in 1919, each Reds player received $5,207 while $3,254 was awarded to each White Sox player.

On September 27, 1920 the 1919 World Series scandal was exposed. The following day, White Sox pitcher Ed Cicotte admitted his involvement to attorneys representing Charles Comiskey. One hour later, Joe Jackson stepped forward, followed by Lefty Williams. At the end of the day on September 28, 1920, Charles Risberg, Fred McMullin, Joe Jackson, Oscar Felsch, George Weaver, C.P. Williams and E.V. Cicotte were notified of their suspension from Charles Comiskey.

Within six weeks, Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis was named baseball’s first commissioner. On March 12, 1921 Judge Landis placed the eight players accused, on the ‘ineligible list’ and he commented that there was no guarantee that the players would be reinstated even if they were acquitted. The trial ended on August 2, 1921 with an acquittal for all involved. The following day, Judge Landis released the following statement:
"Regardless of the verdicts of juries, no player who entertains proposals or promises to throw a game, no player who sits in conference with a bunch of crooked players and gamblers where the ways and means of throwing games are discussed and does not promptly tell the club about it will ever play professional baseball."

It is important to note, the rule forcing players to disclose gambling information was Landis' and did not exist in 1919. Regardless, no ‘Black Sox’ player ever played professional baseball again.

sbb  30.9.10  
Take Me Out To The Ball Game . Bernie Williams  

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Dream Delayed...

Deferred: postponed or delayed.

So it goes like this... I get up at 5am, shower and begin my day going east to Granville, Ohio. I was heading to Denison University to D.J. on their radio station 91.1 WDUB... "The Doobie". I know it might sound silly to most of the middle aged people (and most college kids) reading this but it was something I was looking forward to doing. So with that being said, today is a big day because I get a chance to accomplish one of my goals of playing music on the radio. I wanted to do this for some time because of my love for music and for the fact that many people commented to me that I have great musical taste. It must be noted that most of the time these opinions were stated in a "bar" when most of the people were drunk but never the less praise is praise.

Remember, praise is like perfume, too much of it and it starts to stink. The stench is much like the breath of a drunken person(s) telling me from an inch and half away from my face how great my selections were on the overpriced jukebox. 

I'm sorry, I digress... I'm cranky.

Anyway, my musical taste aren't great, their just mine...all mine.

Anyhoo (what guys says 'anyhoo' - pathetic - and yes I want to add it to my dictionary) where was I... ah, yes my show... "My Show", "This & That", was scheduled for 7am. I arrived at 6:35am a little nervous about what was going to begin in about 20 minutes but I was confident that I would get through this and that this would be a great experience. As I was walking to the studio I passed two girls giggling and surprisingly chipper and optimistic for 6:45am on a college campus. Minutes after passing them they returned with key in hand and let themselves in the radio studio.

As I sat there perplexed I wondered if they would be the people that would be aiding me on my efforts this morning as I attempt to "throw down" on the air waves. Then I realized that the program director mentioned that he would be the one that would walk me through everything I need to know "while" I was on the air.

So to make a very long story short Marty the program director shows up at 6:56am and informs me that he's not sure why those two girls are in the studio.

"Wait a minute" He says and proceeds into the studio. 

Past experiences told me that this isn't going to be good and sure enough when he returned he uttered the two words that no one wants to here at the beginning of a conversation: "I'm sorry.

"Marty" in all of his "just got out of bed with no shower or a comb" glory apologized again for the inconvenience (btw... Marty is a great kid and the fact that he would take on a responsibility such as 'program director' while still in school speaks volumes about him.) and ask if I would like to stay and go on at 9:30am.

I said "Yes".

So as I sit in this very charming and very local coffee shop - I needed wifi and since I'm not a registered student or faculty member... even though the two girls I mentioned earlier ask me if I was a professor... I couldn't get online to write this 'wonderful' piece -  I begin to feel more like T.S. Eliot than Robin Williams in "Good Morning Vietnam" and while reflecting - and writing - I'm reminded of the great poem by Langston Hughes, "A Dream Deferred".

Robin Williams 

Langston put it down this way:

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore--
And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

So at the end of the day I decided not to let anything 'dry up' or 'fester' or let my attitude 'stink' to high heaven. I decided to take the advice of many parents attending to their children on playgrounds all across the world... 

"Honey, be patient and wait your turn" is what most 'good' parents say... and that's just what I'm going to do, be patient and wait.

sbb 29.9.2010
So Lonely  .  The Police


Saturday, September 25, 2010

A Father's Pride (Vol. II)...

Pride: something that causes a person or persons to be proud: His art collection was the pride of the family.

Many of you reading this know how proud I am of my children. They are truly my pride and joy. Earlier this week I shared with you the goals my fourteen old, Bryce, set for himself concerning his High School football career at Columbus Academy. Below are the goals my son Austin, who is a freshman at Denison University, sent me this past week. 

Austin, Noah & Alex
(Senior Prom... side note Noah is Austin's roommate at

My Collegiate Goals

  • 1.      Earn a 3.4-4.0
  • 2.      Double major—international studies and possibly Spanish
  • 3.      Study one semester abroad in Spain
  • 4.      Go to grad school—Ivy League
  • 5.      Become fluent in Spanish by senior year
  • 6.      Semester at American University

Austin behind the plate...
(Senior year in H.S.)

  • 1.      Varsity letter as a Freshman
  • 2.      Sharing time at catcher as a sophomore
  • 3.      Starting catcher by the end of my sophomore year (Junior/Senior)
  • 4.      All-conference by my junior year
  • 5.      All-American by my senior year
  • 6.      Team captain as a junior and senior
  • 7.      Bat .300 as a sophomore
  • 8.      Bat .350 and up as a junior
  • 9.      Bat .400 and up as a senior

Austin... 1st day at Denison.

  • 1.      Read Bible everyday
  • 2.      Daily devotion
  • 3.      Pray everyday
  • 4.      Gain confidence
  • 5.      Set an example for Christ everyday
  • 6.      Think about your actions
  • 7.      Let go of a past relationship
  • 8.      Be happy about something everyday
  • 9.      Become optimistic
  • 10.  Ask for help
  • 11.  Don’t be shy
  • 12.  Enjoy college
  • 13.  Seek internships 

What I said in my last entry applies to this entry. I'm very proud of the men that all my boys are becoming and I'm glad that they have taken the time to write down their goals. I'm glad they realize that their dreams only become their vision and destiny when we take the time to write them down and make them their goals.

I love you very much Austin and I'm extremely proud of you.

sbb   25.9.2010  
(There Is A Way  .  NewWorldSon)  

Thursday, September 23, 2010

A Father's Pride...

Goals:  the result or achievement toward which effort is directed; aim; end.

Over the last month I have been talking about the importance of goals in a person's life with my boys. I've shared with them that whatever dreams they have that they can be realized if you make your dreams your goals. The only way you can make them goals is if you write them down. Once that is done you have started the process of shaping your vision for your life and ultimately your destiny. 

 Bryce last year vs. Bexley (8th grade)
(He rushed for over a 100 yds in the game) 

If you have read any of my past entries you can tell I'm very proud of Bryce (as I am of all my children). I'm proud of him because of the way he behaves and the daily decisions he makes. I'm honored to be his Father and to call him my son.

He is a better man at fourteen than I am at forty-five.

So with that being said I want to share with you Bryce's goals for his High School football career at Columbus Academy. His goals are lofty and they are aggressive but they are his, and though he might not achieve all of his goals, Bryce has began the process of seeing his future and shaping his destiny by writing his goals down.

I have mentioned before the direction we receive from Habakkuk 2:2-3 in the Old Testament, the scripture states; "... write my answer in large, clear letters on a tablet, so that a runner can read it and tell everyone else. But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed."  

I believe every word of that scripture.

The keys are to acknowledge what you want to accomplish that is consistent with God's will for your life (that last part is the key...His will not yours). Secondly, write your goals down on paper, and finally, be persistent and patient as you try to achieve all your goals.

Bryce, not only am I proud of what you have already accomplished but I'm proud of what you want to accomplish in the future. I'm proud of not only who you are but who you want to become.

I love you.
(JV game earlier this year... 3 touchdowns and over a 100 yds rushing)

 Bryce's Goals:
  • 3 varsity touchdowns as a freshman.
  • 300 yds rushing on the Varsity team as a freshman.
  • 30 tackles on Varsity as a freshman.
  • Varsity letter as a freshman.
  • 10 touchdowns on the JV team this year.
  • 800 yds rushing on the JV team this year.
  • 1punt return and 1kick return for touchdown.
  • 75 tackles on the JV team this year.

    Bryce's Col. Academy career "football" goals:

    • 3000 yds rushing.
    • 1000 receiving yds.
    • 50 varsity touchdowns.
    • 3 punt returns/kick returns for touchdown.
    • 300 tackles.
    • Starting punter before graduating.
    • 2 time all-conference.
    • All-district.
    • All-state.
    • Team captain.
    • 4 varsity letters.
    • Make playoffs every yr. in football.
    • Win a state championship.
    • 3 new offensive linemen transfer to Col. Academy over the next three years.
    • Be in the Columbus Academy hall of fame
    • Run a 4.34 in the 40 yd dash.
    • Top 5 grade point average on the team every year.
    • Division 1 football scholarship.
    • Bench press 240 eight times before graduation.
    • Squat over 40.
    • Weigh 195 lbs. by my senior year.
8th grade track... 

1 Corinthians 9:24-27 reads like this, "Remember that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize. You also must run in such a way that you will win. All athletes practice strict self control. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run straight to the goal with purpose in every step. I am not like a boxer who misses his punches. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified."

 Bryce being baptized last month.

Bryce I'm excited to watch you run the race that is called life. I consider it a privilege and a gift from God that I get to see you grow into the man that I could only dream of being.

You are a good man. 

In the song "Where You Are Going" by the Dave Matthews Band the song states;

I am no superman.
I have no reasons for you
I am no hero, Aww that's for sure
But I do know one thing:
Is where you are is where I belong.
I do know, where you go, is where I wanna be

Bryce, go forward and experience all of the dreams you have set your sites upon and with that advice I can assure you I will be watching because where you are is where I belong and where you go is where I want to be.

I love you... I love you very much.

sbb  23.9.10 


Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Barely Breathing...

Broken: reduced to fragments; fragmented. Ruptured; torn; fractured.

Today while I was sitting in my car at a McDonald's drive thru in Mt. Vernon, Ohio the song "Breakeven" by The Script began to play on WNCI 97.9. The fact that I was listening to WNCI was a surprise to me. I very rarely listen to music played by a local radio station in my car. Most of the time I listen to some form of talk radio or music on XM radio, and when I do listen to music it is often Jazz or something on my itouch. And though listening to a FM station was a surprise it wasn't the biggest surprise.

What totally caught me off guard was how the lyrics affected me. I've heard the song many times but today it took me back to a much different time, a very difficult time. I can still remember the first time I heard the song and how I felt that the words in the song were the most accurate description of how one feels when they find themselves with a broken heart. 

And though this relationship ended many years before I heard the song, the first time I heard the song the reminder of the pain that break-up caused was so strong I felt like I couldn't even swallow. 

The words were so perfect, they were so true.

It reminded me of a time when my heart was completely broken. It was a time when nothing seemed familiar or inviting, a time when I thought the pain would never leave me. It was a time when the thought of being in large crowds was enough to cause me to lose my appetite. I was lost and no one could help me or give any directions because I didn't even know what I wanted or where I wanted to go.

I felt helpless.

Today when I heard the song I was reminded of the pain. I didn't focus on the person but the pain. The very thought of the pain scared me. I was relieved that I wasn't in that place now. I was relieved that time does heal all things and that you can find a true love in another person, and that a relationship can provide so much peace and contentment.

Many years have passed and the feelings for that relationship have died like flowers that don't receive enough water. There are no hard feelings but hearing the song reminded me of how painful a break-up can be. The word that comes to my wife's mind is devastation. "You only need to experience it one time to know what I'm talking about", she exclaimed.

She is right.

Today I'm in a very secure and loving relationship. I feel blessed and satisfied but as I listened to the song I was reminded of the fact that most relationships that do not have the proper foundation are controlled by the one who cares the least. Most relationships are like a war with both sides secretly wanting to keep as much of their heart as they can once they realize the relationship is coming to an end.

The reason being is that most people realize that when a couple breaks up the pain isn't shared equally and the hearts don't always breakeven.


I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no

What am I suppose to do
When the best part of me was always you and
What am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no

What am I gonna do
When the best part of me was always you
And what am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One's still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh
'Cause you left me with no love and no love to my name

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break
No it don't break, no it don't breakeven, no

What am I gonna do
When the best part of me was always you
And what am I supposed to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One's still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven)

Oh, it don't breakeven, no
Oh, it don't breakeven, no
Oh, it don't breakeven, no

sbb 21.9.10 

Monday, September 6, 2010

Jane's Addiction...

Addiction: the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

While reflecting upon the genesis of my fascination with addiction and addictive behaviors my mental footprints lead me to a radio interview and a reality show. The interview was with Gabor Mate on NPR radio with Bob Edwards last year (who - Dr. Mate - I'm proud to say has read my blog and emailed in July of this year his admiration for and the reality show was "Celebrity Rehab" on VH1. I found the former to be more fascinating than the latter but both were interesting none the less.

Very interesting.

I'm not sure why my interest is so strong concerning addiction. It could be that I've been reading Dr. Mate's book; "In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts"  the past several months or it could be related to the fact that I have been accused of being addicted to everything from my computer (HP Pavilion a1726x), to Russo Subs in West Palm Beach, to an ex-girlfriend (sorry no link). Just a sidebar, I think it's ridiculous that anyone could accuse me of being addicted to a sandwich or a slave to a relationship; on the other hand I do spend a lot of time on my computer. Anyway, it's not like I'm addicted to porn, gambling, drugs and or strip clubs. That last statement was not intended to be autobiographical in nature... as the kids like to say; "I'm just sayin'". At the end of the day, I feel my interest in addiction is strong because of the reality of addiction across the globe and the devastating destruction that it causes in many people's lives.

It might also be the simple fact that I have six children that I never want to see fall victim to any form of addiction.

The Bailey Bunch

In reading Dr. Mate's book, (...Hungry Ghosts) we learn on page one that the title is derived from the Buddhist Wheel of Life, the Mandala. The Wheel of Life represents the cycle of birth, rebirth and existence in samsara

Samsara represents the journey... I think we all can appreciate the journey. 

Within this "Wheel of Life", the journey, the Buddhist's depicts six levels of existences, "Six Realms"; these realms are an allegorical description of a conditioned existence, the samsara, which beings are reborn into. The realms range from heaven to hell, and are imperfect and temporary in nature, and ones existence in a certain realm is due to "karma"... and here I thought karma was just cool word reserved for bumper stickers and t-shirts. One of the realms that are relevant to addiction is the hungry ghost realm (preta). Dr. Mate describes the "hungry ghost" realm this way; 

"The inhabitants of the hungry ghost realm are depicted as creatures with scrawny necks, small mouths, emaciated limbs and large, bloated empty bellies. This domain of addiction, where we constantly seek something outside ourselves to curb an insatiable yearning for relief or fulfillment. The aching emptiness is perpetual because the substances, objects, or pursuits we hope will sooth it are not what we really need. We don't know what we need, and so long as we stay in the hungry ghost mode, we'll never know. We haunt our lives without being fully present."  

So as we see, addiction is about looking for something outside of ourselves that will sooth something that is hurting inside of ourselves. Addictions, true and debilitating addictions, are born out of deep hurt and pain. I also believe there is a deep and intense spiritual void in every addict's life, and the addiction is more about the desire than the attainment. That is why any substance or behavior that a person is addicted to proves itself to be empty and hollow once it is attained. In another words, it is an insatiable thirst for fulfillment and relief that will never be quenched through the dysfunctional mode/behavior that is currently being used by the addict.

In order to understand "true" addiction I feel it's important to get a better understanding and definition of addiction and where the word derives from. Addiction actually has two "overlapping" but distinct meanings. The one we are most commonly aware of and is used today refers to a dysfunctional dependency on drugs, alcohol or on behaviors such as gambling, shopping, eating or sex. Surprisingly, that meaning is only about a hundred years old. As far back as Shakespeare, addiction refereed simply to an activity that one was passionate about or committed to. 

So my computer addiction is a good thing...right? 

The "pathological" sense of the word arrived on the scene in the early twentieth century. The terms original root comes from the Latin addicere, "assign to". From this Latin definition yields the word's traditional meaning: a habitual activity or interest, often with a positive purpose. But like many things during the Roman times the Romans had another use of the word that speaks to our present-day interpretation: an addictus was a person who, having defaulted on a debt, was assigned to his creditor as a slave.
So maybe I am an addict after all.

From this Roman day definition is addiction's modern day view as enslavement to a habit. In 2001 experts define addiction as a "chronic neurobiological disease characterized by behaviors that include one or more of the following: impaired control over drugs, compulsive use, continued used despite harm, and craving."
So after 922 words we come to the conclusion that the features of addiction are two-fold: an unquenchable craving for a drug or a behavior despite its negative consequences and relapse. And if addiction is about insatiable craving that cause harm once attained then the starting point for addiction is stress. Stress has everything to do with addiction. Universally, three factors are considered leading contributors to stress in each individual lives: uncertainty, lack of information, and a loss of control. Addiction is a deeply ingrained response to stress. Maladaptive in the long term, it is highly effective in the short term.

...high amounts of stress can be destructive.
(Jack Nicholson - The Shining) 

Biologically speaking, one cannot discuss addiction very long without pointing out the fact that dopamine plays a vital role. Dopamine is a key brain chemical "messenger" that plays a central role in all forms of addiction. The reason dopamine is important is because in early childhood if a child is under devastating forms of stress, such as physical and or sexual abuse, the dopamine receptors do not experience the healthy growth that is required to sustain essential drives in one's life such as love, connection, pain relief, incentive, and motivation. All of these traits are needed for quality relationships which no addict experiences while they are a slave to their addiction. With this lack of dopamine, stimulant-type drugs such as cocaine work effectively in the short term because there is a sudden increase in the amount of dopamine available to cells in essential brain centers. 

That sudden rise in the levels of dopamine, one of the brain's "feel-good" chemicals, accounts for the elation and sense of infinite potential experienced by the stimulate user, at least at the beginning of the drug habit.

There is so much information that can be discussed concerning addiction but at the end of the day stress is the major contributing factor when it comes to drug addiction, and specifically, women that abuse drugs their drug use stems from the fact that they were sexually abused early in life. The stress from this or these incidents in their past is the number one reason for their drug use and future addiction.  

Genetically speaking, it's not about our genes. Genes can play a role in predisposition but they don't play a role in predetermination. Predisposition is not the same as predetermination. Alcoholism isn't passed on from generation to generation by a gene it is passed on by cultivating and creating the same environment that lead to the alcoholism in the first place. The key is the parents and the environment they raise their children. 

Are there exceptions to this rule? Always. 

But there is overwhelming evidence that the more negatively diverse situations a child experiences the more likely they are to abuse drugs, or cultivate an addiction, later in life.

In 1985 three guys from California and one Jewish kid from Queens, NY formed a musical group that grew into unbelievable popularity. That group's namesake was attributed to a known heroin junkie that was in abusive relationship with a man named "Sergio". She lived with the band in Hollywood during their early days. The girls name was Jane Bainter. The band was called "Jane's Addiction"   

 It is interesting to note, or ironic, that a group with "addiction" in their name would fall prey to such destructive drug use. 

When you investigate their past you begin to understand why drug use could become an option. 

Lead singer Perry Farrell lost his mom at three to suicide. David Navarro's parents divorced when he was seven and his mother was murdered by her then boyfriend when he just fifteen. One doesn't have to think very long or hard to understand the amount of stress that was caused by both of those situations early in their childhood. And though I'm less knowledgeable about the other two band members childhood, they too were deep in drug use during their time together in Jane's Addiction.

Nothing's Shocking - Jane's Addiction

In the song "Jane Says" lead singer Perry screams that Jane is "gonna to kick tomorrow", at least that is what Jane says. And though this seems to be the anthem for all drug abusers, it proved to be prophetic for all the band members and Jane. They did eventually "kick tomorrow".

Remove the dysfunction and drama, and you remove the stress.

In closing what I realized in researching this topic is that the millions that scream addiction aren't even close to scratching the surface of this sick disease. Addiction is an overused term like 'great' and 'love'. No different than a person of color screaming racism when fired due to their performance, it is an insult to those who have truly experienced racism. The same is true when the term addiction is irresponsibly thrown out there with the sole purpose to release the person from any culpability for their poor and inappropriate behavior. 

What many mistakenly confuse for addiction is simply denial.

Denial of the fact that many of our self destructive behaviors are not bred out of addiction but out of selfish behavior; a behavior that has nothing to do with stress and everything to with a lack of self discipline and self control. People like Lindsey Lohan aren't addicted to drugs or alcohol as much as they are to poor judgment. Their desire to get what they want, when they want it, is paramount. There is little, or no, regard for the consequences of their behavior, or how it might affect those around them, their perceived need trumps everything else. It trumps honesty, it trumps reason and logic, and finally it trumps self respect.

Tiger Woods wasn't a sex addict he was selfish. I'm not trying to be self righteous or judgmental, I just believe that to be the truth.

It takes one to know one... right? I have been more than selfish a few times in my adult life. You can't be divorced twice without that being a fact.

In the end, addiction is a tough battle to overcome but denial and selfishness is even a tougher road to hoe. Dr. Phil says, "You can't change what you don't acknowledge", and by definition denial is not often acknowledged and there is no court ordered celebrity rehab for selfishness and the poor behavior it is responsible for. One who has a legitimate addiction needs intervention and help from others; a person who is in denial and is selfish needs maturity and introspection.

sbb  6.9.2010  (Jane Says  .  Jane's Addiction) . 2019