A Child's Anger (re-post 7.18.10)

 Below is a piece I wrote in 2000 and publicly shared on mybabyroc last July 18th. when I reread the words my thought immediately go to Caylee Marie Anthony. There is so much that I have on my mind concerning the events surrounding this precious little girl and her horrific fate, but I want to let my feelings subside and reflect on the total situation. I know there is something I can learn from this tragedy.

Caylee Marie Anthony

 "Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate."

-Psalms 127:3-5

 A Child's Anger

Provoke: to anger, enrage, exasperate, or vex.

As parents there is no bigger responsibility than raising our children. They are but entrusted to our care for such a short time, and though the "diaper stage" seems to go on forever, and the teenage years try our patience's, we as parents, have been wonderfully (and perfectly) blessed to have them in our lives. In the words of Jerry McGuire; "they complete us".

Well, he actually said; "you complete me", but you know what I mean.

With this wonderful gift comes a huge responsibility. The responsibility is so grand that, as everyone reading this knows, I will not even attempt to tackle such an exhaustive list. Plus, with the amount of failure that I have entertained in this area I'm better served being brief. 

As I said the list is long in the responsibility area when it comes to our children. Singer and song writer Sting's words come to mind often when contemplating my duty when he pointed out the difference between a weapon and a child; stating that "a permit is needed for a gun, but not for this responsibility".

It should be the other way around.

One of the biggest areas that we as parents have a profound effect upon our children is in the area of their emotional well being. We can't always make our children happy, but we can be the cause of much consternation in their life if we're not careful. Ephesians 4:6 states; "And now you fathers. Don't make your children angry by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with discipline and instruction approved by the Lord."

I believe there are times that our children are going to be mad or upset with us when we have to tell them no in order to protect them, or when we have to discipline them for poor behavior. Proverbs 29: 15 says; "To discipline and reprimand a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child."  Proverbs 29:17 states; "Discipline your children, and they will give you happiness and peace of mind."  I believe both of those verses, and I also believe it's important that we realize that their "happiness and peace of mind" is just as important as ours. 

Each one of us as parents have the ability, and are very capable if we're not careful, to crush our child's spirit and produce resentment within them by treating them unfairly. 

Discipline is different than punishment. One protects the child, the other promotes our anger. One will "ultimately" make the child feel better, the other makes us, the parent, feel better for the moment. 

Discipline is about the child; punishment is about the parent.

Below is a list I wrote in my journal, dated June 30, 2000, that I believe are ways we can provoke our child's anger. Please allow me to share.

10 Ways to Provoke Your Child's Anger:

1. Over Protection...too much of anything is not a good thing. Don't hover.
2. Favoritism...kids can tell which child is the "apple of your eye". The irony is that this unfair and poor behavior produces resentment in the others towards the "one" that you so desperately want to love and protect. Love them all...they deserve it. Read the story about Joseph in the Old Testament.
3. Unrealistic Expectations...short of being criminal or immoral; dishonest or cruel, the only expectation we should have for them is to fulfill their destiny in being all that they can truly be. It's their life...not ours.
4. Over Indulgence...if you give them everything now this will become the standard in their future. Is that really fair to their future spouse (or spouses)? We aren't supposed to get everything we want for a reason...we can't handle. One doesn't have to look any further than young superstar actors, musicians and athletes.
5. Discouragement...we will discourage our children every time if we lack understanding concerning their situation...try to see things from their point of view. You don't have to agree with them, but you will build their trust and gain their respect if you honestly try to identify with where they are coming from. Also, discouragement is produced when there is too much or not enough discipline...think about it. Always ask yourself...is this discipline or punishment?
6. Failing to sacrifice for them... Webster defines sacrifice as "the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim." I really can't add anything to that...either you are or you're not...only you know. There were times that my needs were more important than my children's needs. I ask you...who was the child then?
7. Not letting them fail...Look for progression, not perfection. Besides we weren't created or made equipped to protect them from failure. Remember, some failures are a good thing.
8. Neglect....physically, spiritually, financially, mentally, emotionally and relationally. All of these areas are important. Also,  a lack of "consistent" discipline is neglect.
9. Abusive words...if you abuse your children verbally either grow up or give them to someone else because you are not doing them any good.
10. Physical Abuse...I can't even utter the words on how I feel about this topic.

At the end of the day, we all have a role to play. Children are commanded to obey their parents, and we as parents, are admonished to protect our "heavenly gifts" every day.

Every single day.

As I was watching the British Open early this morning the commentator Paul Azinger commented about the advice he once received from his late mentor that has since past. The advice that was passed onto him was this; "the best dreams are experienced with our eyes wide open." These times are supposed to be the best times in our children's lives. This is not a dress rehearsal...they only get one childhood and they are watching us with "eyes wide open" everyday. They are depending upon us to do right by them and trusting us to do the right thing. Let's do our best to help produce a childhood that is reminiscent of a wonderful dream, not create a nightmare.

Let's not disappoint them.

Remember, it is important to bloom where you are planted and our children are planted squarely, and firmly, in our garden...let's make sure our garden turns out beautiful for everyone to see and enjoy.

 

Perfection

...go find your kids right now and look them in straight in the eye and tell them that you love them. If they are no longer living at home with you call them and tell them that you love them...go ahead and do it...do it now.

You and child will both be happy you did.

sbb  18.7.10   

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God Bless The Child  .  Lou Rawls

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