"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad." -Proverbs 12:25

"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad." -Proverbs 12:25
Midnight Blue (1963): Jazz guitarist Kenny Burrell featuring Stanley Turrentine on tenor saxophone, Major Holley on double bass, Bill English on drums and Ray Barretto on conga. Midnight Blue is one of Burrell’s best-known works for Blue Note Records. In 2005, NPR included the album in its "Basic Jazz Library", describing it as "one of the great jazzy blues records".

He said, She said...

"You are not designed for everyone to like you - Wise Man Phil

FRAGILE: Sting, Yo Yo Ma, Dominic Miller & Chris Botti

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Hungry Heart....

Hungry: having a desire, craving, or need for food; feeling hunger.

This week as I read the opinion page in the USA Today, as I do everyday and have been doing for the past 15 years, I came across a great article on food stamps and obesity. The title of the piece was "Do Food Stamps Feed Obesity" . It was wonderfully written by Laura Vanderkam. In the article Laura points out that 38 million people - 1 in every 8 Americans - rely on the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) or "food stamps". This is a huge (I apologize for the poor choice of words..."poor" really isn't a grand choice either) increase since the 1970's when 1 in every 50 U.S. citizens were enrolled in SNAP. Studies have also shown that obesity has increased since the inception of food stamps in 1964 from 13% to about 35%. These findings has lead some to believe (Jay Zagorsky- Ohio State Univ. scientist) there is a link between food stamps and obesity. Others believe there is no correlation at all (Amber Waves). I agree with the latter group, I believe it has to do more with an individual's socioeconomic situation than it does with the fact that they are on food stamps; food stamps are the direct result of their poverty not the cause of their obesity.

The one thing that research does show is that most SNAP participants will use most of their food stamp allowance at the beginning of each month, leaving very little at the end of the month. Thus starting a cycle of grocery shopping each month with "big eyes" and "empty stomachs". I feel its safe to say we all have gone grocery shopping hungry at least once in our lives and to say it wasn't pretty (or that it was expensive) is an understatement. 

We often buy what we don't need or actually want.

It's funny, people often do the same thing after a divorce or long term relationship comes to an end, they mistakenly start to shop with a hungry heart. Many times individuals are so starved for attention and affection they make rash and poor decisions. They lose weight, change hair styles, start working out, frequent bars, and become increasingly promiscuous. I know, I did all of it except the losing weight part (I was already thin) and the "hair thing" (I was bald). Trust me on this one, I made poor decision after poor decision,  I got married "six" months after my first marriage and it was the worst decision of my life. 


It really didn't have that much to do with the partner as it did with me (or anyone for that matter) not being emotionally, mentally, & financially ready to make such a big decision so soon.

Like most newly divorced people I was starving for something I "thought" I needed.

While spending some one on one time with my 14 year old son (Bryce) earlier this week I shared with him the similarities that new relationships and grocery shopping on an empty stomach have in common. I told him people will do very self destructive and damaging things based on a perceived need or out of desperation. 

We had a great discussion, I shared with him that the decisions that he makes now concerning who,why, & when he dates will set the stage for his future relationships and ultimately who he will choose to marry. If there is drama, a lack of respect, and constant challenging of standards now, and this scenario is repeated in each relationship there after, then he can expect the same type of relationship when he is older and when the stakes are much higher. 

It is a fact that drug addicts have a choice concerning their drug use in the beginning, but they are rendered helpless, unable to say "no" in the end. The same is true with relationships, the choices we make early in dating will eventually hold us hostage and keep us from choosing different types of people to date and eventually to marry in the future (not all the time, but high percentage of the time). If the only thing that has value and major importance to my boys in the beginning is physical beauty then that will be the main thing (maybe the only thing) they will seek when they choose a mate down the road. 

(L-R) Addison, Austin, me, Ryan, Bryce, & Logan...

Proverbs 30:30 states: "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting...". I agree. External beauty only remains for a season, not a lifetime. It is the inner beauty that I want to teach my kids to recognize and value. I realize the importance of physical attraction in a relationship, my point is that it can't be the driving force behind the relationship.

When driving home tonight I heard a song I have never heard before. The artist was Maysa, a jazz vocalist, and her voice intrigued me. Upon arriving home I immediately went to itunes and downloaded the song that I heard in my car. The song was "Higher Love" and it's lyrics said everything: "I will wait for a higher love, the kind of love from up above, I won't settle here for a love untrue, I won't give my all until I know it's true. I will be the one sitting all alone waiting for my true love to come along...".It would be nice if we all could be so patient and insightful when we feel our heart shopping for something that might be best to experience at a later date.

BTW, the song that followed "Higher Love" on my ipod was MC Hammer's "Pumps and Bump":

"Just when I thought could I hit another one
So up jumps see me with the pumps and a bump
All stiggitty stiggity girls, getting on my good nerves
Looking like ice cream ready to be served
Wreck it, check it, can I get in it
If you wanna kick it with a G baby here's me
Cause I come equipped, I'm a pimp, a slippity slip, I suppose you take a trip..."

Nice, real nice, so much for the fatherly advice...good luck boys, your on your own. Do yourself a favor and don't get too hungry and stay away from the "Pumps and a Bump".

sbb   23.4.2010  (Zoom . Maysa) . 1065

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