"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad." -Proverbs 12:25

"Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad." -Proverbs 12:25
Midnight Blue (1963): Jazz guitarist Kenny Burrell featuring Stanley Turrentine on tenor saxophone, Major Holley on double bass, Bill English on drums and Ray Barretto on conga. Midnight Blue is one of Burrell’s best-known works for Blue Note Records. In 2005, NPR included the album in its "Basic Jazz Library", describing it as "one of the great jazzy blues records".

He said, She said...

"You are not designed for everyone to like you - Wise Man Phil

FRAGILE: Sting, Yo Yo Ma, Dominic Miller & Chris Botti

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The Joke Is on Me...

Funny: providing fun; causing amusement or laughter; amusing; comical: a funny remark; a funny person.

Sometimes we feel as if the joke is on us...

Do you ever feel like the joke is on you? The things that you prioritize, the series of items and issues you attach value to are at times amusing at the very least; laughable and futile at best. When you look, and think, about your dreams and goals; hopes and aspirations do you imagine a room full of people previewing, and reviewing them, via a PowerPoint presentation and laughing at what they see?

Do you find yourself amused by your own blind pursuit of something, or someone, that the circumstances surrounding that very thing has never been promising or displayed any shred of evidence that something was going to change regarding this very thing that dominates much of your thought process from more than time to time?

Ever feel like the little hope you have in your life is hinged on hope itself?

"Things will never change" plays in your mind like a record that keeps skipping, and more importantly, and disturbingly, your heart quietly say's the very same thing with complete confidence.

Have you ever silently reflected and thought, even smiled, and said to yourself; "The joke is on me?" 

Will I die before my dreams, hopes and aspirations will be realized?

Am I in fact dreaming the right dreams and hoping for the correct things?

Why are the things that I hope for and dream of important to me?

And how will these dreams, hopes and goals, if realized, affect those around me? 

There are times, many times that I have more questions than I do answers.

It says in 1 John: 14-15; "This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him."


I'm not being cute, I just feel completely lost at times with all things spiritually, scriptural or Biblical.

What is your will for me God?

And can you help me with the part of me that believes that You can do anything, anywhere and at any time for anyone, but it doesn't apply to me? Can you help me with the disturbing thought pattern and belief that I can encourage and counsel anyone, and give them advice that I believe with my entire heart, but I can't accept that same counsel, encouragement and advice for me?

Why do I think this way?

It's also particularly perplexing, and uncomfortable, to read your word in Hebrews 11:6 when it says; "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

Sometimes I don't understand that verse; mostly I'm devastated by the outcome for lacking in faith that is stated in that very verse. 
Why can't I have the same faith that I wax poetically about for others to entertain in their daily lives?

I'm not mad.

I just can't understand for the life of me why at times I entertain the thoughts that I do, speak the words I speak and behave the way I behave. I'm amazed how behaviors that you thought you gave up like clothes that were too small or relationships that were too debilitating can rear their ugly head anytime they want. I can't understand how these "things" have the ability to challenge your beliefs and how they can separate you from what you know is true.

You, I, we speak of mercy and grace, but often times we don't accept it for our self, or sadly enough, extend to others. 

Having understanding would be nice.

Times like these make me realize that understanding is more precious than power, prestige or position. Wealth can never take the place of knowledge, nor can it provide the peace that understanding can provide.

These were my thoughts last Friday at lunch, and as I sat their SCRIBBLING them on paper I realized, as I was writing the very thing(s) that troubled me, that child-like faith was the answer.

When I fail miserably God still cares for me.

When my thought process, or lack there of, is less than it can be God's love still remains constant.

When my words don't add up to what I profess with my heart, or my actions do a good job of convincing another that I'm not familiar with Jesus Christ and that I wouldn't be confused for a man of faith, God still pleasantly remains by my side.

I have heard it said in the past that "God's grace is getting what we don't deserve and His mercy is not getting what we do deserve."


I still don't know why at times I put value on certain things, why I grow envious over certain things and why I chose to believe I need a certain something.

I don't know why I have the ability to praise and curse with the same tongue, notice a woman when I'm actually praying in my car and how I can pray, fight and gossip all within the same hour of the day. I'm not always sure why I don't notice the log in my eye, but that I'm more than willing to aid you with removing the spec in your eye.

At times I feel paralyzed by my inability to understand why I do the things I do.

But wait; there is some good news...

What I do realize is that my faith need not be based on what I say, what I do or in the areas that I fail. My faith is to be centered around, and based upon, God and what He say's through His word.

It's to be based on his promise, love and sacrifice. 

My faith is based on the cross not the crosses I have to bare.

If I give it all, and the rest, to Him, then and only then, can I truly rest and have it all.

Hopes and dreams are important; failure and defeat need not be final, but in both instances they are not as important as my faith.

Let me never lose my faith in you God.

Bless me with understanding. Give me discernment, knowing what to believe in and what to hope for. Give me your vision for my dreams and aspirations. Help me to understand that your word, sacrifice and love is for me too.

Help me to understand your will and way for my life.

Give me faith.

Help me top realize that you, and only you, are the only thing that really counts; the only thing worthy of my faith. Help me not to put my faith in my success or my failure, but only in You.

Help me to realize that when I stop dreaming, hoping and aspiring, when I stop believing that you have a plan specifically for my life, then and only then, is the joke on me.

And we all know it's not too funny when the joke is on us.

sbb 18.10.11
Don't stop Believing . Journey

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